Mid-November

It's mid-November here and the weather has still remained at a phenomenal 75 degrees in northern California. The sun is out, basking with an inviting smile that prevents anyone from a negative outlook (or, well, almost anyone). The semester is seemingly winding down to a close and I can honestly say this school is kicking my ass - totally manageable, don't get me wrong, but kicking my ass nonetheless. A lot has happened in this small amount of time and I feel that a month from now, when I return to southern California, many things will just be noted as the past rather than the potential future.

There is something up here, and I cannot particularly put my finger on it, that really makes me feel fantastic. It may be the curriculum, it may be my weekend rendezvous, it may be new yoga ventures and gym hopping, or, simply, just something in the air. Oh, the people here are amazing too. So, so, so amazing.

Not until Saturday night, when I was walking back with my roommate did I realize how thankful I am to be here, right where I am. I worked my ass off and slaved for three years, goofed off for one, and now I'm here, amongst thousands of other students who had the same fate as I. Some may become doctors, some lawyers, others drop outs, and plenty more have yet to still determine their path. Yet, every student here has something about them, a little glimmer in their eyes - a sense of belonging, perhaps?

Now that I've picked up on reading for pleasure again the little hamster in my brain has finally started up again. He's running, faster than ever before, and my thirst for creativity is being countered by my hunger for knowledge. I would have never thought that this would be the never-ending brawl that would ensue within my thoughts; to be creative, or to focus on knowledge? Surely, they coincide oftentimes, but you always put a focus on one or the other. One, is always (and unfortunately) a priority.

I'm rambling. I know. I jut haven't been carrying my journal around and have therefore come to updating my blog instead.

The sun is out and shining. I have two research papers due, a midterm on Wednesday, and a quiz as well - but, it's all okay, because the sun is out and shining.

“To live for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.”
Robert M. Pirsig quote

Oh, am I living.

-x-x-x-

&, before i'm off, Id like to share this:

"I keep thinking about something you said.

Something I said?

Yeah. About how you often feel like you're observing your life from the perspective of an old woman about to die. You remember that?

Yeah. I still feel that way sometimes. Like I'm looking back on my life. Like my waking life is her memories.

Exactly. I heard that Tim Leary said as he was dying that he was looking forward to the moment when his body was dead but his brain was still alive. You know they say that there's still six to twelve minutes of brain activity after everything else is shutdown. And a second of dream consciousness, right, well, that's infinitely longer than a waking second. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah, definitely. For example, I wake up and it is 10:12, and then I go back to sleep and I have those long, intricate, beautiful dreams that seem to last for hours, and then I wake up and it's ... 10:13.

Yeah, exactly. So then six to twelve minutes of brain activity, I mean, that could be your whole life. I mean, you are that woman looking back over everything.

Okay, so what if I am? Then what would you be in all that?

Whatever I am right now. I mean, yeah, maybe I only exist in your mind. I'm still just as real as anything else.

Yeah. I've been thinking also about something you said.

What's that?

Just about reincarnation and where all the new souls come from over time. Everybody always say that they've been the reincarnation of Cleopatra or Alexander the Great. I always want to tell them they were probably some dumb **** like everybody else. I mean, it's impossible. Think about it. The world population has doubled in the past 40 years, right? So if you really believe in that ego thing of one eternal soul, then you have only 50% chance of your soul being over 40. And for it to be over 150 years old, then it's only one out of six.

Right, so what are you saying? That reincarnation doesn't exist, or that we're all young souls like where half of us are first round humans?

No, no. What I'm trying to say is that somehow I believe reincarnation is just a - a poetic expression of what collective memory really is. There was this article by this biochemist that I read not long ago, and he was talking about how when a member of our species is born, it has a billion years of memory to draw on. And this is where we inherit our instincts.

I like that. It's like there's this whole telepathic thing going on that we're all a part of, whether we're conscious of it or not. That would explain why there are all these, you know, seemingly spontaneous, worldwide, innovative leaps in science, in the arts. You know, like the same results poppin' up everywhere independent of each other. Some guy on a computer, he figures something out, and then almost simultaneously a bunch of other people all over the world figure out the same thing. They did this study. They isolated a group of people over time, and they monitored their abilities at crossword puzzles, right, in relation to the general population. And they secretly gave them a day-old crossword, one that had already been answered by thousands of other people, right. And their scores went up dramatically, like 20 percent. So it's like once the answers are out there, people can pick up on 'em. It's like we're all telepathically sharing our experiences."

-Mon