Forget About Your House of Cards

I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
No matter how it ends
No matter how it starts

Forget about your house of cards
And I'll do mine
Forget about your house of cards
And I'll do mine

And fall off the table, get swept under

Denial, denial

The infrastructure will collapse
Voltage spikes
Throw your keys in the bowl
Kiss your husband goodnight

Forget about your house of cards
And I'll do mine
Forget about your house of cards
And I'll do mine

Fall off the table, get swept under

Denial, denial
Denial, denial

Your ears should be burning
Denial, denial
Your ears should be burning


-x-x-x-

I had dinner with a beautiful individual today. She shared her wisdom as I spilled my soul onto the table amongst, arguably the worst, dining commons dinner imaginable.

A new approach began today: living in the moment [as I used to] and loving freely [as I am not used to].

Here's to appreciating all of the beautiful souls that surround me in Berkeley! <3 You all have been under-appreciated and I sincerely apologize.

So many incomprehensible changes in just a few weeks! I will hopefully be taking plenty of pictures and blogging every aspect of my life when I backpack Europe in 3 weeks.

"Are you ready?" [I ask myself]

... I sure fucking am. I need a vacation, stat! A break from my emotions, routine and current lifestyle. :)

So stoked,
-Mon

In the stacks

Such a monotonous routine, in my eyes. Sitting here, amongst a plethora of strangers, as we all scramble to cram as much information as possible in hopes of refuting it all come the next testing period. Surely, this determination is noteworthy, and I am thankful beyond words to have this opportunity; however, as I step out of the bubble, it also makes me laugh how everything seems so cyclical, routinely... patterned?

My mind is all over the place.

... and I don't know what I want.


Back to Los Angeles, tomorrow, for a bit - and jumping back into my old routine if only for 2 days.


A part of me feels almost silly to return for the weekend; as if everything down there is slowly being packaged into a little box labeled "the past," only seconds away from being shelved away. I feel like i may have been moving backwards...

no worry



Time to start running towards something, anything, up here.

Ready. Set. Go!


Soon, so soon.
-Mon

E. E. Cummings: since feeling is first

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
—the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other:then
laugh,leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis


-x-x-x-
... but where comes the period? I guess e.e. cummings never really believed in punctuation.

-Mon

[space]

Nothing more, nothing less.



-Mon

Nothing to do but Believe

April 9th
Location: Moffitt Library, 5th floor (because the scenery is aesthetically pleasing)
Headspace: ?

This past year has been a whirlwind, both personally and as a whole...
new places, new faces, new mistakes, new realizations -
more risks, more social unrest, more liberty, more awareness -
everything, both catastrophic and revitalizing, moving rhythmically with one another
like a dance.

And, though the emotions vary from pleasant to tumultuous,
it's a beautiful sort of dance.
One that makes you cry because you know everything will be alright,
one that makes you laugh because you know there's only so much time left.

But how much time is really left?

And that, we never really know-
Both personally and as a whole.

So you just keep dancing,
["as if no one is watching"]
Or maybe you're an observer?
[to which you're watching in an unobtrusive manner]

A waltz of sorts,
with life, in the lead
and you, quickly picking up the pace from behind.

But don't hesitate -since we're all dancing the same waltz,
and tripping over our left feet.
Just take it all in,
and laugh, because you have only so much time left...

before the music stops.

-x-x-x-
Words of wisdom:
"The only means of strengthening one's intellect is to make up one's mind about nothing, to let the mind be a thoroughfare for all thoughts."
John Keats


-Mon